March 18, 2004
be an actuary
the thing that had me thinking about my future (again) was a video i saw from one of the actuary sites i frequent. it basically described what it means and what it takes to be an actuary. needless to say, although the video was only ten minutes long, it was enough to suck me in. a few seconds after it was over, i was thinking about my dream job again.
it has been my dream to graduate from college and be able to take a job in an insurance company as an actuary. i want this job, not only for the obvious financial reasons, but because it entails work which i think i'll love. mathematics has always been a passion, and although my love for it has waned throughout my years in college, i feel that the abundance of mathematics in the acturial field will boost my interest in it yet again. furthermore, i think that the job is a very progressive one. i feel that i won't be bogged down by the monotony of the work, since i get to advance at so many different levels. on the one hand, i will get to enhance my mathematical and technical skills. on the other, i will get to improve on my communication and social skills.
i have taken the first steps in realizing this dream, and it has not been easy (ask anyone who took the actuarial electives with me). especially now that at every opportunity, doubt strikes. at times i find myself asking: can i do it? can i really pass the numerous tests? what if i fail? what if no one accepts me? what if someone does? what next? what if i realize i don't want this after all? am i capable of sacrificing the time i can spend with my loved ones and with myself? these questions come one after the other in my mind. the sad thing is, i can't really silence these nagging voices. the only thing i do and will continue to do is to just push through with the plan. hopefully, i can find enough strength from myself and from the people around me to ward off the shadows that these doubts may cast.
March 17, 2004
teachers
"Sigh. Last day of classes. Always a little sad, especially because I, unlike many other instructors, have my students for an entire year rather than just a sem. It's kinda weird having seen them twice a week every week for one entire year, and then suddenly realizing that I will probably never see many of them ever again (except maybe for a quick nod in the corridor). The year always ends a little too abruptly."
i was touched by this because, primarily, i recognized the truth of it all. the end did seem abrupt. my last philosophy class awhile ago did not have the finality or closure i wanted it to have. it seemed strange that during the entire length of the period, i wanted to do something that would convince me that it was all over, that it was all done. i then realized what i really wanted to do: i wanted to thank her for a year well-spent, for patiently teaching us this pleasantly mindboggling subject, for bearing through our uncomfortable silences, our distracting noises, and our short attention spans. in short, i wanted to let her feel my appreciation for what she has done for us. unfortunately, a small group of people approached her after class, and i didn't really want to say "thank you" in front of others. i then left the room, carrying with me the weighing certainty that i have failed to do what i should have done.
of course, i do not always feel this way about each and every teacher who comes walking inside the classroom. there are the bad teachers, and i never want to do anything with these people again; there are the good teachers, but somehow failed to engage me; and there are the superb teachers, who, in their own way, managed to capture my mind and my heart. these are the teachers who recognized my potential and relentlessly tried to bring it out. these are the teachers who did their jobs well because they knew that they would have an impact on me. these are the teachers who took me seriously. these teachers have strengthened my faith in the belief that, indeed, teaching is the noblest profession of all. my philosophy teacher, my college english teacher, my statistics teacher, my calculus teacher, my 3rd year and 4th year high school math teachers all fall under this category. i cannot anymore elaborate on the impact they had on my life, but let it suffice to say that whatever things they taught me will remain with me forever.
to all these teachers, i want to say "THANK YOU." you have made all the difference.
March 14, 2004
who is the real american idol?
last week, i saw the american idol special which showcased the awful rejects of the initial auditions. of course, the highlight of the show was william hung, who unflinchingly told the viewers everywhere that he already signed up for a musical contract with a bona fide recording company. i thought it was an unnecessary, cruel, and sarcastic jab at the naive mr. hung, making him believe in such, but it turns out, i was wrong. from what i've read in the forums recently, it is true. william hung is now a recording artist. who would have thunk it, right?
this may seem to prove that the real american idol is mr. hung. people loved him! they really did! he didn't even need the show to serve as a jumpstart for his singing career. whoever wins the american idol title gets to release his or her album only a year (more or less) after he or she wins, but mr. hung gets to release it in way less than that time. i bet his 15 minutes of fame will seem much longer than the 15 minutes of fame of most of the 12 finalists.
but of course, we all know the real story. he's in the losing end. he's in the limelight to be laughed at. yes, i guess it's okay to laugh at these people for the entirety of the season (where the show repeatedly tortures us with horrible footages of these rejects) because i think they themselves are partly to blame. they knew the consequences, and yet they still went on. some of them (those fame whores who just love to mug the camera and flaunt their talentless, yet shameless selves) may even deserve this. karma, so to speak. but from what i saw from the interviews and other video snippets, i think mr. hung was sincere in pursuing this dream, even how delusional it was to most of us. maybe i'm just fooled by the innocence of his face or the ignorance in his words, but that was how he came across to me. to mess with the guy's head is just cruel. and it's appalling to see the support this cruelty is getting. american idol, of course, but i already expected this kind of humiliation from that classless show. but other recording companies? wtf? i don't get it. who would want to buy his album? wouldn't he just be driven into a greater depression once he sees the sales for his album? i, for one, won't be buying it (if ever it finds its way here in the philippines).
who's the real american idol? i don't know. i'm a filipino, and i shouldn't even care about a show that i can't even participate in. much more so when said show lacks class and prides itself in humiliating people. but all the same i'm hooked. what does that say about me? i don't like to admit it, but i guess i'm as much a loser as william hung is.
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