October 08, 2004

examination of examinations

Before anything else, to those who were able to catch my ten things entry and are just shocked to see it gone: Well, a piranha entered my brain, chewed it to pieces, took over my biological processes, and ordered me to delete the whole thing. After which said piranha decided to swim away with part of my rational brain in its stomach. I was able to regain control of some of my sanity (yay! good for me!), so here I am, explaining that it was not my fault. It was that damn piranha's. If, however, your curiosity got the best of you, feel free to text, YM, e-mail, or talk. Don't expect too much, though!

Anyway.

I have two exams left. So how were the first three? My philosophy orals went well, I think. After the orals, though, I got the results of my last exam, and it was depressing as hell. And I thought I knew how to answer philosophy questions. I guess I thought wrong.

My math orals (yes, yes, such a thing exists) went, well, OK. I think my answer for the Easy question was right (thanks Wamar and Joey), but I felt that I was too nervous to make any lucid arguments. I nailed the Easiest question, but I blundered my way out of the Easier question. My teacher had to guide me through that one. He was particularly nice, though, so even if the whole thing was a disaster, I'm glad he knew me and seemed to be OK with me.

The history report was disappointing. Sam and I planned the whole thing to be this spectacular ending to an otherwise mediocre semester in history, but forces outside of our influence went against us. So instead of ending the reports and the semester with a BANG!, it ended with a Pfft. So much for that B then.

There. Three down, three more to go. I have another orals in Theology on Tuesday, a paper in Finance to pass on that same day, and an Actuarial Exam on Saturday. After which, I'll be out on a trip with my blockmates. That would serve as my only rest for this semestral break. The rest of it will be spent on studying for my very first actuarial exams (my future job! yay!), to be held on the first week of November. I'm so excited, I just can't hide it.

That's it for now.

posted by kerwin ray :: 1:26 PM :: ""

October 06, 2004

the bliss of studying

This realization occurred to me last night as I was leaving McDo from hours of philo studying: I love studying. Yes, I love it. Not in the general sense of studying which means "going to school and becoming a student in a specific course for 4 years" but the particular sense of it which means "going to a place in Katipunan and becoming a nerd in a specific subject for 4 hours." It grants me a sense of accomplishment that only a few activities I do ever can give me. There's this high I feel of knowing that I, though studying, have contributed to my welfare as a student. Of course, that's some pretty deep shit, but what I'm really saying is that I have, through studying, made efforts to increase my QPI, and thus my chances of landing a good job in a good company. But then again (forgive me for correcting myself so often), that's just the long-term part of it. At that moment of studying, that's not even what I'm thinking. That high seems to stem from the fact that I have accomplished something, that I have become productive just for once. I guess that's the real reason behind it.

I think I'm going to feel this high more often for the next two weeks. I have a Philosophy orals for tomorrow (of which I have not yet finished studying for), a Complex Analysis orals for Thursday (yes, we do have orals in Mathematics), a History reporting for Friday (that does not require studying, but it does require some academic preparation), a Theology orals for Tuesday next week, and an Actuarial exam on Saturday. Wish me luck, guys, and if you ever see me on campus wearing a huge smile on my face, you don't have to ask me why.

posted by kerwin ray :: 1:18 AM :: ""

October 03, 2004

* whirl, whirl, whirl *

whirl whirl whirl

the world spins and spins and spins * there he is * there * by the window * but the moon * spins and spins * his shoulders must be tired * the world must be wondering * where is he? * but there he is * and so am i * the world just watches * just waits * just wonders * watches, waits, wonders * whirl, whirl, whirl * headache * the world is evil * but * a blur * my mind is a blur * my mind is a whirlpool * no * yes * no * yes * no * again, that hole * that hole inside my heart * i wish i never left * move in * i must move in * movement * like whirl * the whirl, whirl, whirl * the shoulders must be tired * the hands must be tired * the back must be tired * is that a voice fading? * is that a voice coming? * doppler effect, indeed * headache * headache * falling into slumber* falling into darkness * love * i love * i miss * i love * i love * love, oh, love * 27 * it is 27 * love * love * I LOVE * i must break * i must surrender * i must fall * fall * crack the barrier * crack the obstacle * crack the darkness * BRING FORTH THE LIGHT! * 2 weeks * 2 weeks, then rest * need rest * need to be with love * need to be with calmness * need to be myself * need, that need, that need * gnaws * eats * another kiss from the moonlight that shines upon my soul * in the end, it is between me and myself * a duel between the voice that says yes, and the voice that says no * WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS? * stop it * stop * a smile * hee * that smile * i want to rest in that place where the stars shine brightly during the night * where the food is homecooked * where the mother and the sister and the two brothers eat with the stranger from the south * where the lakes are plenty and where the wind blows strong * where the air is calm and the mood is full of rest * where the atmosphere is love * where the heart is clear * where the mind is rested * where there is peace * where there is peace of mind * watch me lord over myself * i am the captain of my ship, the master of my soul * oh yes, i am * watch me * watch me * i will survive this *

whirl whirl whirl
whirl whirl
whirl

...

posted by kerwin ray :: 11:39 PM :: ""